The UK road network has become congested, congested with buffoons, moron’s and the dregs of society. What’s happened to our motorways? I mean can people not observe those of us drivers who are faster and more privileged than ‘they’ ever will be? And why is the fast lane always full of little people in little, underpowered cars doing 100mph, where are they going? Are they important? And why are these drivers almost always owners of ten year old Vauxhall Corsa’s, have buzz-cut hairstyles and are adorned with poorly rendered tattoo’s. The UK road network gives us an insight into the heartland of UK society, its the one place where rich, poor and the very ugly can gather together each day and freely swear, rant and hurl racist abuse at legal immigrants, the only other place to do this is in a football stadium (Soccer if you live in Austin Texas).

”I also believe we have to bring back capital punishment, not hanging but something poor people fear much more than not being able to down large quantities of beer, something much worse, the class system and apply its rules too the motorway”

I blame digital TV, the lack of FULL HD channels has forced people to abandon the sofa and drive aimlessly around annoying very important celebrities like me, who actually have important things to do like attend cocktail parties and pretend to be sociable to people I don’t like or passing around a giant spliff at a drugs party because that’s what the bourgeois do. Yes we want to save the forests, we want to save endangered animal species and we will use all our powers to lobby local government and then to relax we will take illegal drugs thus supporting a worldwide murderous network that kills people for profit, but this double standard, this hypocrisy is valid because I am important, I am a celebrity, I have influence but most of the time I am under the influence, HOOO HAAA!

”The UK road network gives us an insight into the heartland of UK society, its the only place where rich, poor and the very ugly can gather together without being looked down upon”

I also believe we have to bring back capital punishment, not hanging but something much worse, the class system and apply its rules too the motorway. The fast lane should be for the super elite, billionaires that is, the middle lane for the upper class and the inside lane should be for the middle class. The rest can sell fruit and vegetables on the hard shoulder, they do this in some countries that deny its citizens democracy, like the United States of America. No longer should we have to put up with poor people blocking our motorways with outdated cars, we the upper class have had enough of the under class pushing us around we have to fight back and that fight back begins by reclaiming our motorway rights and allowing fox hunting, we must kill more foxes. HOOO-HAAA!