People of Earth, I implore you to resist the alien spaceship known as the Volvo EM90 EV minivan. The Volvo EM90 is an extra-terrestrial entity hiding in plain sight. Its mission is to persuade you that it is a genuine Volvo, yet I present overwhelming evidence that it is, in fact, a Zeekr 009. This monstrous imposter is not a Volvo; it adheres to no design language carefully crafted by Volvo’s designers over the past decade.

I’ll tell you what the Volvo EM90 is, it is a vehicle designed by the marketing department. Marketing people are wordsmiths, the job of a marketing person is to lie and convince you that the lies are indeed the truth. Marketing people have no real talent, they are not designers.

The marketing people like nothing more than to conduct “MARKETING SURVEYS” within a limited pool of buyers, where a substantial portion of participants tend to fabricate information on the forms. Consequently, the end product frequently becomes a hodgepodge of ideas, as exemplified by the Volvo EM90. Any vehicle conceived by a marketing boardroom committee is essentially rubber-stamping its own path to failure.

Leave the design work to the designers and engineers, allow them to collaborate, get feedback from randomly selected customers and let the marketing people do what they do best… lie. Allow them to lie as much as they want be it in print, online social media or through their “SOCIAL MEDIA INFLUENCERS!”, because the world is a lesser place without them.

Who will purchase the Volvo EM90? If you intend to transport a large volume of people, consider buying a bus. If Zeekr aims to promote its premium image in Europe, it should remove the mask and immerse itself in the population; be Zeekr, not merely an attention-seeker.

Not a Volvo, it’s a Zeekr, EM90, you are the alien hiding in plain sight, you belong in a marketing boardroom committee and should not see the light of day, and as such you are the worst car of the week.