So, we’ve decided to abandon our relentless pursuit of Mazda UK’s questionable PR and instead give them the positive coverage they supposedly deserve. In this case, the Mazda CX‑80 is symbolised by a single white dot—a pixel representing the void. In our generous tribute to Mazda’s “Nothing Brand,” we’ve enlarged that pixel to astronomical proportions.

The CX‑80 is an utterly forgettable seven-seat SUV that boasts about its Skyactiv technology, whatever that means. It’s now available for purchase, but don’t bother asking about the price just yet; apparently,y Mazda has more pressing matters.

Mazda has undoubtedly fought tooth and nail to earn its reputation for sheer nothingness. Our encounter with their PR team, which somehow decided to employ the illustrious Martine Varrall, left us questioning our collective sanity a few years ago.

Varrall—apparently with abundant free time—made it her mission to tarnish our name for reasons unknown. Why? Who knows. We were nobodies then, and frankly, we still are.

But why do something so futile? Well, Varrall evidently had nothing better to do. At the time, she was employed by PFPR, the UK-based PR agency behind Mazda UK’s PR account.

We were so appalled by Varrall’s antics that we suspected PFPR was run by a pack of rabid lunatics. But then fate intervened: we met PFPR’s now former boss, Denni Frater, and the rest of the team, who turned out to embody professionalism.

Not content with merely damaging our reputation, Varrall managed to overshadow the entire organisation that employed her. PR professionals are supposed to be brand ambassadors—but Varrall? She is an ambassador to nothing because she likes nothing more than pointlessly doing nothing.

Now, Varrall appears to have found a cosy spot within Mazda’s ranks. One can only presume she continues her crusade of insignificance—targeting the weak and disposable, tossing them into the fiery pit of oblivion—all because she apparently had nothing better to do.