What you’re looking at is an i5 M60 xDrive that’s been given the aftermarket equivalent of a double espresso and a gym membership. It’s not quite full-fat M5 levels of menace, but it’s definitely gone from “senior management” to “senior management who does triathlons.”

The standard i5 M60 already packs a not-insignificant 593 horsepower and a thunderclap 820 Nm of torque from its dual electric motors. That’s enough to rearrange your internal organs in near silence. But AC Schnitzer decided the real issue wasn’t speed — it was presence.

So on goes a front splitter sharp enough to julienne vegetables, side skirts to visually glue it to the tarmac, and not one but two rear spoiler options — because nothing says restrained German business saloon like multiple aerodynamic appendages. If you’ve got the Touring, don’t worry, there’s a bespoke spoiler for that too. Estate drivers deserve drama.

Then there are the wheels. Oh yes. Up to 21 inches of five double-spoke righteousness, filling the arches like they’ve been inflated with ambition. Add red brake calipers and suddenly your silent electric saloon looks like it might bench-press a Cayman for fun.

The suspension gets a 20–25 mm drop, while spacers push the wheels out by 20 mm, giving it that “I’ve been to the Nürburgring twice and I won’t stop mentioning it” stance.

Curiously, despite suggesting 593 horsepower is “not enough,” AC Schnitzer is unlikely to fiddle with the electric powertrain.

Probably because poking around high-voltage German engineering is a bit like trying to rewire the Large Hadron Collider with a Halfords socket set. Instead, they’ll save the engine tinkering for the petrol-powered M5.

As for cost? The splitter is €1,290. Side skirts: €840. Spoilers: a few hundred more. Wheels can climb north of €5,000 if you’re feeling particularly flush.

By the time you’ve finished, your i5 will look like it’s late for DTM qualifying — and your wallet will feel like it’s been through it.

Still, if you want your near-silent executive EV to look like it’s plotting world domination, AC Schnitzer has thoughtfully provided the villain costume.