Will Rory Reid Succeed Or End Up Sucking Seeds?
Jeremiah Clarkson

His name is Rory Reid and he is one of the new faces of the revamped Top Gear motoring show. Every one knows about Top Gear, the most watched factual show… In the world. And every one knows that Jeremy Clarkson and his band of brothers have moved to Amazon TV after “that” incident.

And you may well know or have read about Rory Reid and countless websites using the banner headline, “who the hell is Rory Reid?”. Well you probably know about him by now, if he has his own wikipedia page he’s made it.

However Mr Reid is still a big unknown but thanks to Top Gear he has instantly become a unknown, known unknown. And many websites are reporting his review of the Rolls Royce Ghost which Mr Reid turned into a rap.

White people find rappers likable, because like White Men Can’t Jump, white men also can’t rap. But we here at DCB Towers have for a long time disliked the British rapper of any race, colour or creed.

You see in the UK we have a welfare society so as a nation we are much better off then many other countries.

America produces the best rappers… in the world. You see the US of A is the richest country in the world and a global superpower.

But scratch beneath the surface and you have a huge income wealth inequality where 1 percent of the billionaire class own almost as much wealth as the bottom 90 percent.

This income inequality breeds a socio-economic time bomb, deprivation and in some case third world levels of habitation. This in the world’s richest country.

This socio-economic inequality also breeds a constant flow of anger and some of this anger is manifested into rap.

And that’s why the real world afflictions of the poor in America is represented by tangible suffering and that’s what makes American rap superior.

No one in the UK can match this socio-economic divide and therefore what we get are tame rappers like Professor Green.

Tinie Tempa, Dizzie Rascal, Stormzy can’t compare to the superior sound and lyrics of 50 cent, Dr Dre, LL Cool J. We’ll give Eminem his stripes.

And in the UK most rappers are middle-class probably go to private school and end up working in the private banking industry. And usually end up rapping at a wedding reception. In Doncaster.

That’s why to us this rap of the Rolls Royce Ghost by Rory Reid is tame, it’s creative yes but tame and also a little bit cringe worthy.

I mean does Mr Reid really think about the “carpets inside” of the Rolls Royce that much as he raps so in the video. That’s cringe worthy.

Another issue is that these types of videos can accidentally shimmy into becoming a commercial for Rolls Royce itself. And that’s exactly how it feels and sounds.

And what we ascertain from this video is that Mr Reid can’t afford to own the car he is driving. Maybe Rolls Royce should turn to the rich kids of instagram instead.

And there is another issue, if we here at DCB Towers ever released a rap video in place of a Rolls Royce review we would probably be shot by the RR press department who would probably use AK-47s to do so.

We hope Rory succeeds in his new Top Gear presenter role. However we can’t help but think that this marks the beginning of a slow end of the Top Gear we knew and liked and sometimes loathed.

Who wants to be known as one of the people who strangled the life out a once massively popular show?

We say make your money have your 30 seconds of fame, make as many paid for dreary panel show guest appearances as you can and get the hell out before the going gets rough.

Why? because if the Top Gear ratings go down the TV bosses will turn against you quicker than the Mafia.

DCB will never turn against anyone… we don’t have any ratings or rankings at all. And we’re proud of that.

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