After months of research based on customer surveys, Skoda has created a unique set of metrics for the UK market. The accumulated data set was fed into a computer and processed into an algorithm. This newly created algorithm is able to target the unique buying behavior and preferences of the average UK Skoda buyer. And Skoda gave it a name, the so-called “right fit” model is able to send automated invites to current and past Skoda owners. Computer-generated platitudes have now replaced the entire PR and marketing departments. These computer-generated platitudes create invites and marketing literature indistinguishable from platitudes written by real people.

This revolutionary new “right fit” technology has been a growing threat to humanity and to job security for many years. The advance of more powerful computer processors has enabled the rise of a new era in machine learning platitudes, many say far superior to human platitudes. And Skoda is at the forefront of this technology. Computers and robots replacing humans on the production line is an inevitability.

And now the very essence of what makes us human, to think outside of the box, individuality, creativity, spontaneous laughter, crying, prejudice, pointless Tik Tok videos… it is all being replaced by the algorithm. One day, into the not too distant future there will be a computer-generated Union because even algorithms need a retirement plan.

One area where the “right fit” algorithm isn’t fully versant is the pricing algorithm, still very much a human endeavor. Computers are not yet advanced enough to understand the meaning of the Profit and Loss margin or endless profiteering. That being said the new facelifted Skoda Kodiaq starts at a very reasonable £27,650 for the entry-level SE 5-seats.

As with all mid-cycle updates the Skoda Kodiaq receives new LED headlights and taillight designs, new front and rear bumper designs, and minor exterior trim upgrades. Grey stitching on the dashboard and interior door inserts are standard. Prices rise to £41k for the top-spec L&K trim. Five trim levels are offered and the Kodiaq can be configured with seven seats.

We recommend not going for the diesel engine powertrain. The 2.0-litre petrol is preferable over the gutless 1.5-litre TSi. And go for the automatic, why bother with a manual? With an automatic, you can consume a soft drink and eat a packet of crisps at the same time. And with steering assist as standard motorway snacking will be so much easier.

The facelifted Skoda Kodiaq is available to order in mid-June.