The Ford Crapi, nee Ford Capri, the grim reaper of sports coupes, is coming back from the rusty pile of scrap heap hell. The Ford Crapi, nee Ford Capri, was a poor man’s Ford Mustang back in the day circa 1968-1986. I would much rather have the Steve McQueen era Mustang than a Crapi, nee Capri. The Ford Crapi, nee Ford Capri, was simply awful an embarrassment next to a Porsche 911 of the same time period. The Crapi, nee Capri, was built for the British. The Crapi was a rickety chariot driven by the delusion and bought by equally delusional penny-pinching, pony-tailed, mulleted playboys who looked upon the Crapi, nee Capri as a weird rite of passage to automotive hegemony.

The reality was, and always will be, the Ford Crapi, nee Ford Capri, was just a pile of crap.

Yet again the automotive press, in their desire to continue their miserable existence as courtiers to their Ford overlords, heralded the Crapi, Capri as the second coming. And they still do write golden tributes about the Crapi, nee Capri, as if it was an engineering marvel to rival that of the ancient world. The Ford Crapi, nee Ford Capri, was simply an embarrassment of a sports coupe.

And now the Crapi, nee Capri, is making a comeback as a horrific Frankensteinian hunchback coupe crossover electric vehicle type thing. And you think that makes me excited Ford? No! it brings back childhood nightmares, god damn it! The automotive press is certainly excited, they have to be because critiquing Ford is like critiquing a dictator.

Like Shiva the god of death, Ford will create, destroy and start again, as they usually do. The Ford Crapi, nee Capri is one such example. And you know what? the automotive press will thank them for it with meritorious glowing reviews when none is deserved. Unbiased reviews from corporate captured media.

God, I’m good!