Hello, my disciples, to all of you, I extend the hand of acceptable bigotry, I won’t face any repercussions because I am a celebrity who is too big to fail. And I own a farm so I am used to excrement coming my way. Talking of excrement, the other day I was driving a friend’s Mazda… something. I can’t remember the name because to my delicate eyes Mazda has become totally forgettable. Then I thought, yes I do think which is truly difficult for me to do at any time, then I thought to myself what has Mazda done to become more memorable?

A few days later…

Nothing.

A few days later…

Mazda has done nothing. From what I can see Mazda lives in a state of perpetual existence its function is to serve no purpose other than the purpose of existing. The Mazda… something I drove was truly forgettable, it took me from A to B but driving the Mazda… something, felt like I was having an outer body experience. They say it’s powered by Skyactive technology, which is correct because driving the Mazda…something did feel like I was floating above it looking down at me driving it.

Weird.

Mazda has nothing to offer me that is genuinely of interest, with one minor exception, the MX5. The MX5 is brilliant, however after realising it is mainly bought by paedophiles I will never again go near the MX5. My generation thought Rolf Harris was brilliant, but he was a paedophile operating in plain sight and he drove a Mazda MX5. I didn’t know then but I do now.

So Mazda has become the nothing brand of the automotive world, I have nothing more to say.