Nothing quite says “car enthusiast” like daydreaming about transforming a Toyota Corolla into the epitome of excitement. I mean, who wouldn’t want a ride that’s practically synonymous with thrill and exhilaration? The Corrolla, with its riveting reputation, truly sets the bar for the mundane. Its hybrid system, while technically mind-blowing (if you’re into that sort of thing), manages to achieve the rare feat of being both technically astonishing and, of course, technically boring.

Acceleration in a Toyota Corolla hybrid? Picture a stubborn donkey on a lead – you get the gist. And let’s not forget the groundbreaking aesthetics of the Yaris. The very definition of boring. Who needs flashy when you buy a Corolla for its retirement chic? It’s the car for those who aspire to lower their insurance premiums. Move over, sports cars; the Corolla is here to redefine excitement in the slow lane.

Indeed, the Corolla is so boring that even car thieves give it a pass. Toyota, known not for its passion, is the world’s largest car manufacturer, the most boring pursuit any individual could aspire to. To achieve this distinction, Toyota manufactures boring cars, as they are much more cost-effective to produce at scale. Boring cars, especially with mundane interiors, prove to be cheap to manufacture at scale.

Toyota’s crowning achievement, the icing on the cake, is achieving amazing reliability… which is boring because we all want the least reliable cars money can buy because I guarantee you the least reliable cars are the most exciting. But we’ll exclude Peugeot, Citroen, Vauxhall, Fiat, Alfa Romeo, Mike Arnold, Chrysler, Dodge, DS, Fiat, Jeep, Lancia, Maserati, Opel, Peugeot and Ram because they are all death traps.

Anyway Toyota Corolla, you may be a cult hero to some but you’ll never be a hero to me because you’re so goddamn boring. The end, the worst car of the week.