HELLO THERE! It’s Jeramy Clarkson here, my brother Jeremiah Clarkson has decided to quit mainstream motoring journalism so here I am, his replacement and in full colour. As for Jeremiah, well, like many white, wealthy, post-middle-class urbanites he decided to buy a farm somewhere in rural Gloucestershire where the folks are still happily living in a semi-rural racist paradigm. Jeremiah tells me he has no idea of how to farm because he has no experience in farming but is hoping for a TV company to sign him up and create a reality streaming show following his hilarious exploits. Without a TV production in the background, farming is simply an unprofitable venture.

Jeremiah also informs me he’s hired a local yokel who is knowledgeable and experienced in all things farming and happily admits he has never left Gloucestershire. What a great character he will make for the show. It’s almost as if this script has been written before and Jeremiah is simply following a formulaic process. We all wish Jeremiah a happy farming life, incompetently shoveling shit, living on the edge of bankruptcy.

So, who is Jeramy Clarkson… he’s me, I am Jeramy Clarkson, the younger brother of Jeremiah Clarkson, the poor man’s version of Peter Hitchens, or as I call him Peter Bitchins. I have written extensively about many subjects from religion, current affairs, blackcurrants, river currents, history, modern warfare, architecture, technology and of course CARS.

All my written work has been published in the highly regarded and highly secretive Nuns Chronicle Express, a publication demographically aimed at Nuns and mums for which I have won two Pulitzer Prizes for the best journalist you’ve never heard of before and best independent journalist who actually practices journalism and doesn’t self-censor.

FREE, FREE PALAESTINE!

Regrettably Nuns Chronicle Express has closed, it was an old print publication established by the Vatican in 1622. The paper’s original role was to act as a disinformation campaign to support the Pope and to provide revisionist cover for the warmongering Papal States. While history is always rewritten and edited more times than a Wikipedia page, time is fighting against all of us.

Nuns Chronicle Express closed recently after over 400 years of existence because it didn’t adapt to the digital era. Although a lot of people in the Vatican have adapted to the internet, they haven’t made good use of it according to the Police… AHEM!

But know this, I am Jeramy Clarkson, I love cars, I am now free of the Papalcy and thank goodness because all I had to review was Fiats and those horrible Peugoets and Jeeps thanks to that crappy Stellantis corporate monolith bringing together the worst car brands under one shitty monolithic umbrella. Torture is better than driving a Fiat. But that’s just my opinion and expect to hear much more.

I am Jeramy Clarkson. Evening all.