Let’s face it, the first-generation Rolls Royce Cullinan SUV was never much of a head-turner, and its only appeal is the Rolls Royce branding. That’s it; aside from that, it’s essentially a glorified BMW X5. Having said that, I was gradually getting accustomed to the Cullinan’s awkward exterior design. However, with the release of the mid-cycle upgraded Cullinan, that acceptance plummeted.

Damn, that’s one ugly-looking mother fuc_er.

The Rolls Royce press release claims that the Cullinan is the “pre-eminent super-luxury SUV.” Please, don’t try to deceive me with such rhetoric, Rolls Royce. There’s nothing more important than being self-aware, which is the exact opposite of the mindset of those who purchase this inanimate object.

You know what Rolls Royce? F_ck your pre-eminence.

But if you are pre-eminent and are emboldened by owning a £500,000 SUV I wish you luck in your pre-eminent existence.