This What Car? review was doomed from the start the moment presenter Doug proudly declared the Ford Capri to be “legendary.” No, Doug. The Porsche 911 is legendary. The so-called “legendary” Ford Capri was utterly forgettable. But of course, he has to say that—just in case Ford is watching. It’s all too easy to hurt Ford’s feelings.

Yes, motoring journalists play this ridiculous game of keeping manufacturers sweet, even if it means misleading their audience. Why? Because it’s worth it for a one-week press loan and the free publicity a review provides. Integrity be damned.

And so we get yet another anodyne review—anodyne because it feels like someone just off-camera is pointing a gun at Doug’s head, demanding he omit anything remotely critical. And when it comes to electric cars, one key fact I actually care about is range. I’m not remotely interested in the fucking boot space, which seems to excite Doug more than doing actual motoring journalism.

Despite supposedly reviewing the new Ford Capri EV, Doug bizarrely rambles on about a group test he did weeks ago, conveniently dodging any hard conclusions about the Capri itself.

OH FOR FUCK’S SAKE, MAN!

I want to know the results of this test—the one you’re literally conducting in front of us—not the results of some other EV you tested last month. I’m starting to believe What Car? is actively herding its audience like sheep, waving distractions and sleight-of-hand while muttering, “There, there, everything’s fine.”

But it isn’t. It so obviously fucking isn’t.

Fuck’s sake, What Car?