The only time we’re genuinely happy to give Land Rover a positive word is when one of their vehicles is stuck in the garage being repaired. It’s almost a rite of passage: Land Rovers spend more time under a mechanic’s wrench than on the road. And yet, the brand’s image is intoxicating. I’ve found myself staring at used Land Rovers, imagining the thrill of ownership… until reality hits.

Then I remember my own ownership history. The Discovery’s air suspension compressor needed replacing after just 5,000 miles. Five thousand! This is not a one-off; it’s a chronic problem that Land Rover has done nothing to fix. Perhaps their actuaries calculated it’s cheaper to let it fail under warranty than to engineer a solution.

Then there’s the Ingenium engine fiasco. Yes, the UK has brilliant engineers—but brilliance means nothing without resources. Water seeps into the engine oil. Timing chains fail. YouTube channel, The Car Edition, chronicles a Range Rover Evoque needing a third timing chain replacement, with just 59,000 miles on the clock. It’s hard to know whether it’s poor maintenance or poor design, but these failures are clearly commonplace.

The lesson? Don’t believe the marketing hype machine. Don’t trust the reviews. Motoring journalists are captive to Land Rover; a single misstep in criticism and you’re persona non grata.

If you read a positive review, assume the reviewer is being held hostage, whether literally or figuratively. Land Rover’s allure is intoxicating—but behind the glossy brochure and seductive ads is a machine designed to bleed your patience, and your wallet.