People often confuse me with Jeremy Clarkson and have accused me of being miserable, I digress, I am merely misunderstood. I have many views most of which you may well disagree with because I am always right. I don’t hate people who don’t have the same tonal qualities as I indeed I like everybody, I like smelling flowers and walking tippy-toed in a meadow flush with the golden delights of summer, from the honey bees in the air to the fresh summer breeze blowing in my… hair. Or rather what’s remaining of it. I like europe, I like its federalist mandate that are at odds with its separatist tendencies. I like all peoples, from the gypsies in Romania to the Mafia in Sardinia and the stowaway’s drifting on a boat in the Mediterranean sea. I even like the european single currency. That’s right, hooo-haaa-hoozaa some of you may even find it quite bizarre that I talk so very happily, evidently you really never knew that I can talk rather so less gruesomely.

”I would like to add that I like animals, indeed I like the entire animal kingdom. I Like the bird kingdom too and eating baked Ortoaln is a particular favorite…”

You see.. after all.. I am not such a bully, indeed.. my opinions are rather woolly. What I say might rank but I err mm… hide behind a tank because errrrrr…. we should always support the troops.. and let the government snoop-on our long lost privacy, because that’s the way of modern western society. God I am running out of rhymes here, errm I mean, I have said, so many things but you should read what Katie Hopkins thinks, her opinions may stink but at least she makes me look like Gandhi… some of the things she utters is right-wing hysteria so I hope she gets a bout of listeria. I know people, important people, I am chums with my friend the Prime Minister, some of you may find him rather sinister and he always invites me over for dinner. His name is Dave he’s quite a chap he’s known to take a nap and he nearly got a slap for sleeping next to his red box but at least he wore a pair of clean socks. Now i’ve got to stop, I’m going to use my car to drive oop-north, you see I am going to run for Ed Milibands parliamentary seat. He has rather big feet, and pearly white teeth I think it should be quite a feat to gain that seat. I would like to add that I like animals, indeed I like the entire animal kingdom. If you are worried about the content of this rhyme or believe it is the worst poem you have ever read please email us on weknowitsbadbutdidntknowitwasthatbad@staging.dailycarblog.com