Brexit Jeremiah Clarkson on the Nissan shit storm,
Jaguar Land Rover is Now In Limp Mode As It Continues Banana-Slip Regeneration Plan
Jeremiah Clarkson

We love it when Jaguar Land Rover announces bad news. We love it, even more, when Jaguar Land Rover announces consecutive quarters of bad news. Remember that radical new seat they were touting a few weeks ago? total and utter bullshit distraction from the skunkworks of the zombie-eyed and clueless JLR PR/Marketing department. And to further distract you they are revealing plans for a £25k “baby” Land Rover Defender. But the so-called baby Land Rover should be here now, why has it taken so long to reveal this grand new plan? Because it’s also a total and utter bullshit distraction.

The media just seem to take Jaguar Land Rover’s word, verbatim. No critical analysis just total and utter surrender to the ‘respectable’ Jaguar Land Rover press release and corporate robot spokeswoman. You may ask, as we often do, what the fuck is going on here? Why does the media follow this brand like a clueless pied pipper victim? Being a British based blog you wouldn’t be surprised if we waved the flag for Jaguar Land Rover from time to time. Not going to happen. For us here at DCB HQ it simply doesn’t work like that.

Jaguar Land Rover is in deep, deep, deep, DEEP! shit right now. Declining sales, no profits, meager profits, job cuts, plant closures, suspension of production, coronavirus, i-Pace battery shortage. Failure, many years in the making, failure after fucking failure. We have empathy for the production workers. But the corporate pros, the white collars? they are zombie-eyed, clueless, goose-stepping, vacuous souls.

The media will often say (mostly the British media) Jaguar Land Rover is “experiencing falling demand” without ever mentioning why? So why is Jaguar Land Rover performing poorly? Quality control is one massive problem for JLR. Jaguar Land Rover fucked up in China really, really badly. How do we know that? Because only Jaguar Land Rover seems to be the only automotive brand to be struggling in China, the world’s biggest car market.

Any auto manufacturer will experience fluctuating sales cycles, its the nature of the sales territory beast. However, JLR really screwed up in China. They tried and failed to sell poor quality cars to Chinese consumers. One can only imagine JLR actuaries calculated that the average Chinese buyer is too stupid to know any better. After all, capitalism is still relatively new to the Chinese consumer which is one reason why Jaguar Land Rover can get away with overcharging.

But the Chinese are not stupid, civilization has existed in China for over 4,000 years. You know what my ancestors were doing 4,000 years ago here in the United Kingdom? I can imagine they were wallowing in mud and grunting like pigs. So the Chinese consumer saw through JLR’s scam and started protesting… to JLR’s face. Protesting in China? which still a one-party communist state? Protesting in China can only happen with official approval, which means the state allowed angry JLR consumers to vent their fury in public. You see what the Chinese state did to the Hong Kong protestors?

So the reason why Jaguar Land Rover is struggling again is that they made shitty cars in the most lucrative car market in the world. And that has had a knock-on effect to the now. There are other, multiple issues and contributions, such as investing heavily in diesel engines. Moaning and groaning about hybrid and electric technologies not being suitable to the Land Rover platform. Realising the error of their ways they are now kicking and screaming into adopting hybrid/electric technologies. Banana slip decision making after banana slip decision making.

And while the Jaguar I-Pace was gifted an award by sympathetic, delusional self-important motoring hacks, sales haven’t exactly been Tesla. During the month of December 2019, Jaguar sold 175 I Pace units in America. So much for that nice shiny self-important award. So the question is will Jaguar Land Rover eventually fail? It appears to be the beginning of a long decline, not too dissimilar to the disappearance of dinosaurs. The dinosaurs lived for thousands of years after the so-called Chicxulub extinction event. Jaguar Land Rover’s extinction event has an asteroid with a name on it, and it’s called Tesla.

Brexit Jeremiah Clarkson on the Nissan shit storm,
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