In Defense of Volkswagen, In Defense of The Empire
Jeremiah Clarkson
In the light of Volkswagen’s pollution dodging con against the free world we here at DCB Towers have presented both sides of the arguments. That’s what we do. The salad eating hippies on the left and the right wing wako’s on the errrrm right are all up in arms and rightly so. But who is right you may well ask? Or are we all just wrong about why VW decided to do what they did with this emissions test rigging thing. Ordinarily I am just an ordinary man… HOOO-HAAA!. However I am must offer a defense of Volkswagen and let me tell you why. I can take being lied to, I can take being stabbed in the back, being eaten alive by a hungry, hungry Hippo, being stung by a swarm of killer bee’s or even watching an episode of TOWIE. But what I can not stand is the hypocrite. You see Volkswagen cheated their ways to lower emissions because “them” in the motoring press allowed it to happen. Well we here at DCB Towers didn’t because thankfully we’re not important enough. Hooo-Haaa! Those in the motoring press turned a blind eye when they could have said something. But they did nothing. And then there are many popular motoring magazines, web publications and bloggers who say they have consumers interests at heart. They do not. In reality these publications and bloggers have now become nothing more than a marketing entity in the pursuit of pedaling a secondary corporate philosophy in the return for whatever it is they are seeking. Motoring journalism has lost its soul, its become part of the marketing operation both internal and external. There is more noticeable dissent in North Korea then there is from the UK motoring press. Everything is surprisingly good god damn it. And these UK motoring hacks have tried to put on an angry public persona about the VW crisis saying “how dare VW commit such as scam” while at the same time they were perfectly happy to be fed like pigs and be lorded over like kings when attending motoring events and press launches. But this minimalist dissent is nothing more than a plastic veneer, a self indulgent way of connecting with an angry public they have lost touch with. These motoring journalists had their silence bought up many years ago, the lefties got used to capitalism and the right-wingers were already eating from the trough, looking up with their mouths full and saying “whats taken you so long?”. I don’t blame Volkswagen, I don’t don’t blame the hospitality. I blame my brothers and a tiny fraction of sisters in the motoring press, many of whom I have no interest in whatsoever, because I am Jeremiah Clarkson and I am the jungle VIP. I also blame the polar bears, the amazon rain forest, indigenous South American tribes, the Ozone layer, mass deforestation, Made In Chelsea and global warming for pressuring Volkswagen into making rash decisions and trying to make the world better by not telling the whole truth so help me God. Un-realistic environmentalism is the new Das Capital, what Volkswagen did was merely cheating the system that was already cheating the world.  Jeremiah-Clarkson-Stare
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