We attempted to stuff in as many powerful superlatives as possible into the headlines to convey just how much power the Alpina B5 generates. It doesn’t matter how many “power” words we throw into the pot of lexicons because a 613bhp super sedan/estate is so insanely powerful not even the world’s spiciest, hot, hot, hottest chilly onion bhaji can out-power the heat and sweat generated by the Alpina B5’s stats. And remember the Alpina B5 is based on a humble BMW 5 Series family/business/corporate sedan.

However in this case the Alpina B5 takes advantage of the M550i which is loaded with a 462bhp and 479lb ft, 4.4-litre turbo V8. All it took was an ECU software upgrade, a better cooling system and there you have it. The Alpina B5, a 613bhp, 590lb ft destroyer of motorways. Loaded with BMW’s all-wheel xDrive, either the saloon or estate will hit 0-62mph in 3.4 seconds and reach a top speed of 201mph.

To make it the full-on Alpina experience adaptive dampers, active roll-stabilization, four-wheel steering, and firmer springs allow for track orientated action. Alpina has also upgraded the brakes although you can opt for a further brake upgrade if you have spare change. Or what about a mechanical limited-slip differential.

And all of that power is channeled through an 8-speed automatic gearbox. Luckily the new Alpina B5 comes just as BMW rolled out the facelifted 5 Series, which amounts to a set of front and rear headline re-designs. But you do get an Alpina spec body-kit which makes the B5 uniquely Alpina sealed and delivered.

Alpina has also updated the diesel-powered 5 Series and mild-hybrid variant. But the truth is, the B5 is the true swashbuckling hero-car you will probably never see in England. Anything diesel or mild-hybrid is less equivalent by a factor of 10.