The bloody awful VW Tiguan is back, back and available in Black Edition specification, presumably to hide the shame or perhaps guilt VW has for making such a bloody awful SUV. When we had a long-term VW Tiguan on our test fleet it stood out for being so bloody awful. We’re never going to shill for VW, but plenty of mainstream motoring hacks do and in their mind-numbing collective opinion the bloody awful VW Tiguan is brilliant. It is a lie, a total fabrication, a twisted reality, the VW Tiguan is simply bloody awful.

But we here at DCBHQ are just one voice, a pin-head-sized voice floating in a sea of opinions drowned out by an enormous echo chamber. The main issue we found with the bloody awful Tiguan was the ride, it was a mess, hard and uncompromising to appeal to UK journalists who like their cars to “ride like it’s on rails” at the expense of logic and sanity.

And then there is the low-rent interior, the standard fabric seats feel like they were lined from reclaimed material found washed up on a beach, and the leather interior isn’t any better. We say to VW… the majority of people who buy the bloody awful Tiguan are not motoring journalists seeking to write favorable headlines that put your company in a positive light with your committee and board members.

According to the most recent academic research, most bloody awful Tiguan owners are middle class, high on cocaine while doing the school run, and then spend the evening getting drunk on supermarket wine before ending the day snorting more cocaine in preparation for the morning school run.

Anyway, UK buyers can now experience how bad the flagship spec bloody awful VW Tiguan is by placing an order for the bloody awful VW Tiguan Black Edition.