Oh, where art though Humpty Jaguar Dumpty? What has happened to the once-mighty Jaguar founded by Lyons and inherited by laughing hyena charlatans? The Jaguar roar that once captured the attention of the world is but a squeak of its former self. Lost in time and to the ravages of advancing years Jaguar as of today has run out of ideas. The company is being re-invented for the “modern audience” and that means switching to an all-electric future. This new entity has clearly fallen hard and cracked, it has evolved to become Humpty Jaguar Dumpty, its corporate pieces scattered like tiny broken eggshells. Assembling each fragment has evidently presented Humpty Jaguar Dumpty with some significant challenges.
Consider, for instance, Humpty Jaguar Dumpty’s initial declaration of becoming an electric car brand, only to follow it up with an announcement just a few weeks later that they would discontinue selling their sole electric car offering, the iPace. To anyone possessing a rational mind, entertaining such logic would seem monumentally and immeasurably insane. Not Humpty Jaguar Dumpty for it has grown bloated and delusional, burdened by a bygone past that can no longer be revived.
And to reaffirm the madness, Humpty Jaguar Dumpty calls (buys, pays cash, bribes in the form of lucrative advertisement) his learned, highly respected friends in the automotive media to sell the madness in a neatly packaged word salad, otherwise known as the OPINION COLUMN! While the audience sees through the gaslighting, delusional Humpty Jaguar Dumpty can not see past its bloated navel cavity.
In this very moment, the automotive media enthusiastically heralds this “new beginning,” celebrating the new jobs to be created while casually ignoring the inevitable job losses to come. You really can’t make this shit up. Humpty Jaguar Dumpty, now limping waywardly, is but a rotting carcass existing in a zombified state on an inevitable journey to self-destruction.
Mutilated by its history of mismanagement, incapable of embracing the present, Humpty Jaguar Dumpty’s glory days have faded into oblivion, and its inevitable forthcoming fall appears irredeemable.
