Martin won’t like us critiquing BMW—his loyalty is commendable—but deep down, he knows the “Heart of Joy” marketing campaign is utterly vacuous and cringe-worthy. Still, Martin is a decent person and dutifully replies to our emails. We know the day will come when he starts ghosting us, but that’s okay—we’ll continue to email-troll him; for us it’s the last stand, it’s all that remains.

Who is Martin? Just someone we know. Anyway, the BMW i3. BMW is promoting it through a nauseatingly vacuous marketing campaign. Here’s the thing about marketing people: Marketing people live in bubbles. They think they’re geniuses. The rest of the world barely notices.

At the “Heart of Joy” resides the BMW i3—the company’s latest generation of electric vehicles. It’s BMW’s attempt to promote their eco-friendly credentials, a sticky plaster covering a multitude of hypocrisies. Dieselgate revealed the true face of BMW: if they didn’t care about the environment back then, they certainly don’t now.

But the tepid “Heart of Joy” campaign is nothing more than corporate propaganda dressed up in smart wordplay and flashy subheadings. BMW bought out the media class a long time ago. They operate like mafia bosses with baseball bats, raising a storm whenever they want positive coverage. They influence the media through money, advertising, and five-star treatment for reviews.

Deviate from the narrative, and they don’t need bullets or bats—they simply erase you, moving on to the next victim willing to lie down and take the path of least resistance.

So, the “Heart of Joy” is brought to you by heartless people who have little time for joy. You’ll get to experience it when the i3 premieres on 18 March.