Ruddy hell! (I can no longer swear on this platform because it’s scrubbed up a bit) but bloody hell, what on earth is wrong with London. Have you driven there lately? If you haven’t don’t bother, driving in London has always been slow, fast, slow, slow, f@!#, fast. It isn’t about the seemingly endless line of traffic, nor the traffic wardens, the corrupt Metropolitan Police, the corrupt politicians, or the dodgy Pubs. It’s the traffic signs, there may as well be big pointy signs reading “Communism This Way”. Driving towards Park Lane is now a terrifying experience even with no traffic. And that’s before you see the mound!

And what an abject embarrassment the mound is. Even third-world countries that we have bombed, illegally disrupted legally held elections that make our UK elections look tin-pot. Third-world countries where we installed right-wing governments do our bidding so we can do a bit of wealth extraction, and cover it up by calling the whole charade a democracy… even these war-ravaged countries that we have desolated in the name of Western democracy, now they laugh at us. And so they should.

Let me tell you (and this is a one-way conversation because the comments section has been removed!) let me tell you driving in London is no laughing matter. A typical London street leading into Madia Vale can have up to two different speed limits. If you haven’t driven there for ages or never before be prepared to rack up speeding penalties like a Member of Parliament racking up a bill with his favorite drug supplier.

Your eyes become constantly averted looking for the next speeding zone change. The irony is that speed limits are meant to make it safer for pedestrians. I like the idea but the implementation is more akin to a dodgy backroom deal. Are the pedestrians any safer? bearing in mind drivers are now so distracted by the fear of picking up multiple speeding penalties? I think not!

Do you know what this reminds me of? 1984. We are living in an Orwellian regime. We are a closely monitored society. Our smartphones phones track us so an algorithm can send us recommendations of a puppy break dancing on Tik Tok, Instagram or YouTube. We are retargeted data metrics, our DNA is no longer measured in strands but in numbers, because we leave behind us a digital footprint of our online activities.

Why do you think smartphones are blooming (sorry… bloody!) smart?

All this technology, decades in the making, is now being used against us. Our digital souls are owned. Errant speeding zones are another form of communism. And I for one will not rest easy until the masses rise up and protest… on my behalf. And will gladly watch it all unfold, live on TV news on my state-of-the-art smart TV (with voice recognition) in the comfort of my countryside mansion.

I know what it takes to make sacrifices, but this state of oppression must end.  Of course at the hands of my people.