Carlos The Useless CEO Tavares - The man from Stellantis
Sterile Corporate Monolith Stellantis Admits To Being Useless
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Sterile corporate monolith Stellantis, owner of companies such as Pandemic Pegeout, has finally admitted to being a useless and sterile monolithic entity. The monolithic organization’s very own CEO delivered the devastating news. Carlos Tavares, CEO of sterile corporate monolith Stellantis, was bemoaning the introduction of Euro 7 emissions regulations, which is equivalent to Emperor Palpatine’s infamous Order 66. Euro 7 is considered to be zero-exhaust emissions for cars and vans from 2025 and zero-exhaust emissions for heavy-duty vehicles from 2027. The mandate is considered to be the death knell for the combustion-powered engine, a loophole for European environmental regulators to legislatively shoehorn fossil fuel-era vehicles out of existence. Or as Emperor Palpatine would say, “wipe them out… all of them”.

While Carlos Tavares isn’t directly saying sterile corporate monolith Stellantis is useless, he is quoted as saying that Euro 7 is useless because the capital investment needed to make fossil fuel cars zero emissions will bring little “environmental benefit”. The issue says he is that automakers will have to invest billions into complying with Euro 7 regulations, only for the technology to be abandoned in 2035 when the ban on the sale of new diesel and gasoline cars comes into effect.

In other words, Tavares is indirectly inferring sterile corporate monolith Stellantis is useless because they do not have the capability or willpower to do anything other than defer to dogmatic pontification. From this day hence, we shall refer to Tavares as Carlos “The Useless CEO” Tavares, and his stance shows what he really thinks about the environment, which is mostly paying lip service for the greater corporate good.

Carlos The Useless CEO Tavares - The man from Stellantis
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